SignsToSave
15 min Mental Health & Crisis

Suicide: See the Signs, Say Something

In 15 minutes you'll know the warning signs, the exact question to ask, and what to do with the answer.

Print this course — or save it as a PDF from the print dialog. Good for a fridge, a glovebox, or a waiting room.

Why this matters

If you are worried about someone, you have already done the hardest part: you noticed. What usually happens next is nothing, because people freeze — afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid of making it worse. This course takes that fear away. Suicidal crises are usually temporary, help works, and most people who get through one go on to live long lives. The steps below are the ones the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline teaches, and any friend can do them.

Know the signs

Signs that someone may be in danger

Warning signs show up in what a person says, what they do, and how they seem. Any one of them is worth a conversation.

  • What they say: that they are a burden, trapped, hopeless, or in unbearable pain; that there is no reason to go on; that people would be better off without them.
  • What they do: withdrawing, giving away things that matter to them, putting affairs in order, saying goodbye in a way that feels final, sleeping far too much or hardly at all, drinking more, taking uncharacteristic risks.
  • How they seem: anger unlike them, agitation, deep shame, or a sudden calm after a long stretch of despair.

That last one catches people out. Relief in someone who has been struggling is not always recovery. It deserves a gentle question, not a sigh of relief.

Ask directly. It does not plant the idea.

The fear that stops most people is that asking will put the thought in someone's head. It does not. That is why the 988 Lifeline teaches asking as the first step. Being asked usually brings relief.

Use plain words: "Are you thinking about suicide?" Not "you're not thinking of doing anything stupid, are you?" A question shaped to get a no will get you a no. Ask it calmly, then stop talking and let them answer.

How to have the conversation

You do not need the right words. You need to stay in the room.

Listen more than you speak. Do not argue with how they feel, and do not list the reasons they should be grateful — that lands as an argument they are losing. Say you believe them and you are not going anywhere.

Do not promise to keep it secret. It is the one promise you cannot keep. Try: "I'm not going to keep this to myself, because I want you here. But I won't do anything behind your back." Then make the next call together rather than handing them a number.

988 is for you too

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free, confidential, and staffed 24 hours a day across the United States. You can call 988, text 988, or chat online at 988lifeline.org.

Most people miss the second half: 988 is also for the worried person. If you are frightened about a friend or your own child and do not know what to do next, call and talk it through with someone trained. Veterans and service members can press 1.

When there is immediate danger, call 911 instead and say it is a mental health emergency.

Time and distance save lives

Suicidal crises tend to peak and pass. Putting time and distance between a person in crisis and anything that could badly harm them is one of the most effective things a family can do.

In practice that means storing firearms outside the home for a while — with a relative, a friend, or a storage facility — or at minimum locking them unloaded with ammunition kept separately. It means putting medications, including everyday ones, somewhere locked.

Frame it as temporary and as something you are doing together: "Can we keep these somewhere else for a few weeks?" Most people say yes.

Following up is not optional

The conversation is not the finish line. Checking in afterwards — a text the next day, a ride to the first appointment — helps people stay safe, and it is the step that gets skipped most often.

It does not have to be heavy. "Thinking of you. Still here." is enough — and keep doing it after the crisis passes.

How it really looks

The text that stops you cold

At half past eleven, Corinne gets a message from her friend: everyone would be better off without me. She stares at it, terrified of saying the wrong thing. Then she types what she means: "That scared me. Are you thinking about suicide?" The reply takes four minutes and it is yes. Corinne calls instead of texting, says she is not going anywhere, and stays on the line while they call 988 together. She drives over and sleeps on the couch. Two days later she goes with him to his first appointment.

The father giving away his tools

After the divorce, Ray's father starts handing things out — his good drill to a neighbour, the truck he restored to Ray. He seems oddly settled about it. Ray almost lets it go, then asks him plainly at the kitchen table whether he is thinking about suicide. His father cries, and says yes. Ray does not argue or lecture. He asks if they can take the guns to his uncle's place for a while, just for now, and his father agrees. They call 988 that evening. It is the start of an ordinary recovery.

What to do until help arrives

  1. Ask directly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" Then listen to the whole answer.
  2. Be there. Stay in person or on the phone. Nobody should be alone in an active crisis.
  3. Call or text 988 together — or call yourself first if you need help knowing what to say.
  4. Call 911 for immediate danger, a plan in motion, or a weapon present, and say it is a mental health emergency.
  5. Keep them safe: move firearms out of the home for now and lock up medications, together and temporarily.
  6. Help them connect to a doctor, therapist, or trusted family member, rather than leaving them with a phone number.
  7. Follow up tomorrow, next week, and after things look better.

Myths & mistakes

People often think asking about suicide will put the idea in someone's head.Actually asking does not create the thought or raise the risk. It is the step suicide prevention training teaches first, and for most people being asked is a relief.

People often think a person who suddenly seems calmer must be getting better.Actually a sudden calm after long despair can follow a decision. Do not stop paying attention because someone looks lighter.

People often think they have to promise to keep it secret or they will lose the person's trust.Actually never promise secrecy, because you cannot keep it. Say honestly that you will not keep it to yourself and will not go behind their back.

What you learned

  • Warning signs live in what people say, what they do, and a sudden calm after despair.
  • Ask plainly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" It does not plant the idea.
  • 988 is free and confidential by call, text, or chat — and it is for worried families too.
  • Never promise secrecy. Do promise to stay and not go behind their back.
  • Time and distance from lethal means is among the most protective things a family can do.

Sources

  1. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call, text, or chat 988; warning signs and how to help someone else
  2. #BeThe1To (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — The five steps: Ask, Be There, Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, Follow Up
  3. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration — Suicide prevention guidance and treatment locator
  4. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention — Risk factors, warning signs, and how to talk to someone you are worried about

Common questions

What if I ask and I'm wrong? Won't that be humiliating for both of us?

Almost nobody reacts badly to being asked whether they are okay by someone who clearly cares. At worst you have an awkward five minutes and your friend knows you were paying attention. At best you open a door nobody else has offered to open. That trade is not close.

They asked me not to tell anyone. What do I do?

Be honest rather than agreeing and then breaking it. Say something like: "I'm not going to carry this alone, because I want you here. But I won't do anything behind your back — let's decide together who we tell." People almost always accept that, and it keeps the trust intact when the hard part comes.

Should I call 988 or 911?

988 is for a crisis where nobody is in immediate physical danger — someone is struggling, frightening you, or in deep distress. It is free, confidential, and available by call, text, or chat, and you can use it for advice about someone else. Call 911 when there is immediate danger, a plan already in motion, or a weapon present, and tell the dispatcher it is a mental health emergency.

Check what you know

Five questions. Four correct to pass. Retake as many times as you like — this is practice, not a test.

This course belongs to Mental Health & Crisis. Courses that pair well with it:

Opioid Overdose & Naloxone In 12 minutes you'll know how to recognize an opioid overdose, how to use naloxone, and why you should give it and call 911 whenever you're in doubt. 12 min Mental Health & Crisis Panic Attack or Heart Attack? In 10 minutes you'll know why panic attacks and heart attacks feel alike, and why new or uncertain chest pain always means calling 911. 10 min Mental Health & Crisis Alcohol Poisoning: Never "Sleep It Off" In 10 minutes you'll know the signs of alcohol poisoning, why you should never let someone sleep it off, and what to do while you wait for help. 10 min Mental Health & Crisis